mmmm lunch was fantastic! since it’s my high calorie day, i got to really load this sandwich up!i also made my own sweet potato “fries” for the first time today. super easy and they taste a whole lot better than the frozen ones i was buying! just cut up the sweet potatoes, cover with olive oil, add a little sugar and a little salt, toss them so their evenly coated, and stick in the oven at 500 degrees for 20-30min. flip every 15 min.

whole wheat bun

chicken breast

reduced fat provolone

spinach

2 tbsp sweet baby rays bbq sauce

4 slices bacon

such a good sandwich!

i’m kind of embarrassed to say that i ate 7 slices of bacon today, but i had to do something to raise my calorie intake! 3 for breakfast, 4 for lunch. i still have like 1000 calories left for the day and i probably won’t even eat that many, to be honest. plus i’m also going hiking with ryan tonight so i’m sure my net calories will be around 1500.

alright, back to work!

yesterday’s run was not perfect. at all. i don’t know if it was the combination of 90 degree weather, feeling dehydrated, being on my feet all weekend, or my binge from the night before, but my legs were so weak. it felt like they just kept falling asleep while i was running? i couldn’t run for more than 5 minutes at a time without stopping to walk. so that’s what i ended up doing…running for a little bit and then walking. i sprinted most of those short runs just to burn as much calories as i could for what i was doing, but i’m really frustrated by that. i hope it doesn’t happen again.

but for today, i’m going for a nice hour long walk and i’m going to take it slow. no power walking, just light and easy. going to walk to meijers to pick up some fruit, deposit my check, and get some starbucks!

(Source: skinny-affinity, via skinnykayy)

memorial day dinner!

chicken burger (whole wheat bun, chicken breast, reduced fat provolone, guac, lettuce)

sweet potato fries

i’ve just been working all day (which means i’ve been sitting in my computer chair for 8+ hours now) so i need to get up and go for a run. too bad it’s almost 90 degrees out. BARF.

looking back, last night was really stupid and i was being dumb. i don’t know why, but something came over me last night that said “one day won’t kill you, so eat whatever you want”. and so i did. i had 2 root beer floats, a slice of pizza, two breadsticks, a billion frosted animal crackers. and this was all after the wedding i shot, and which i ate a huge plateful of food at. so i was not hungry. at all. i was just sad and wanted to eat my feelings.

and what did that leave me? not feeling any happier. in fact, the opposite. i woke up feeling sick to my stomach. i feel guilty. i feel like this sort of stuff shouldn’t be happening anymore. i haven’t binged like that since december and i thought i was over it. i don’t know why it happened last night, but i really hate that it did.

it’s not about the fact that “i might gain a pound” no, that’s easy to work off. i don’t care about that. it’s just that i thought i’d moved on from this. from eating to feel “happy”. or to comfort myself. i thought that i was in control of myself now and i guess when i’m not counting calories (which i didn’t do this weekend), i’m not in control. it seems like whenever i’m not counting them, i overdo it and regret it. which is a little scary, but something i feel like i don’t need to worry about right now.

i guess last night reminded me of the “bad days” when i was depressed and would sit in my room and eat until i thought i would puke. always eating and eating and never feeling any happier. i’m scared for old habits to start creeping back. i need to have more self control right now, especially now that things are getting more stressful…i’m always looking for something that will make me “happy”.

the next time i feel like doing this, i’m going to come back to this post and see exactly how i feel the day after a binge and how much i regret it. future me, here’s a list of things to do instead to make you feel better:

• go for a walk
• or a run, even! if you’re up for it.
• talk to a friend, even if it’s just texting. let out those emotions built up inside.
• jump on the trampoline
• build a fire in the backyard
• go see a movie by yourself
• don’t sit in your living room and eat pizza while watching how i met your mother
• just do anything to get out of the house and away from food
• go to target, buy yourself something
• chew gum, drink green tea!
• have a long, relaxing yoga session
• paint your nails
• go for a long drive

alright, now let’s get this body feeling better again! healthy food all day and a run tonight! yeah!

ahhhh today did not go as planned :( I have felt sad and stressed all day and I just ate my feelings big time. I feel guilty about today but I know I’ll be 100% on track tomorrow.

it’s nights like these where I just wish I had someone to come home to. all I need right now is to cuddle with someone and watch tv. but I’m just alone in my big stupid house and I’m going to make a rootbeer float to make me feel better.

sorry, bad day.

Avocado Egg Salad

(click photo for recipe)

(Source: yummy-healthy-food, via notanotherhealthyfoodblog)